It's been building for a long time. I'm at the breaking point.
Puppies require patience & I have none left. None. Work is killing me. I'm treated like an idiot there. I'm left out of meetings, excluded from information and decisions...until they need something, then they can't figure out why I'm not up to speed. Maybe it's me. Maybe I really am stupid.
And the dog just keeps barking, and wanting attention and wanting out, then wanting in, then wanting out, then wanting in...
And daughter moved out as part of a court order. The lawyer & judge recognize that her alcoholism is at the root of her cases...the cause of all the trouble...so, as if it wasn't excruciating enough to live with an alcoholic & lose multiple night's sleep worrying, now she's in a "sober home" and has been angry at me ever since she left...mean & angry. Saying I don't listen & don't pay attention to what she says. I do, though. I just don't think she's actually saying what she thinks she's saying.
Or maybe I really am stupid & retarded & socially backward. I'm sure that's why the (asshole) man doesn't want me. I thought he liked me, but he doesn't. I'm sure of that now. And I had to sit next to him at a meeting today. It was awful. I've been trying so hard to avoid him altogether, because it hurts.
And I know I must sound pathetic. No one wants to read about a stranger's whiny problems...I know that. It's just that every area of life...home, work, social, financial (don't even get me started on the foreclosure & the possible bankruptcy)... is caving in. It's completely imploding & I have no idea where to go from here, or how to make things better. I'm stuck in a horrible place & feel like it's only going to get worse. .
And the dog keeps barking and chews up another pillow. There's nothing left. No patience. No kindness. Nothing.
